Friday, February 5, 2010


Wishing is a really hard thing to do.. I wish that i was different. I wish that my life had turned out different... I just feel that the choices i made were the wrong ones. I need a different perceptive on my life. I want to be seen as someone different. Being different may not be a good thing but it may not be a bad thing either. I just noticed that people act different around me and i don't understand it i am not different i am just like everyone else.

I dont want to be treated different because of how i look or anything. i should be treated equal. not being treated the same as everyone else is a horrible feeling. i have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that i will never find that special someone or be happy as everyone else is who has someone one. i have never felt this way till very recently. i mean i have loved in the past but nothing permanent or i wouldn't be writing this.

being lied to being told your ugly and that your a regret, really sucks. i dont know what to do anymore i cant just wait around forever why wont that special someone see me for me and love me fore me .. i just want to be with someone who will hold me and be there for me and i hate being alone.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


One of the hardest things to do in life is to fall in love. I can say i have done this twice. I like someone now but i cant act on it because i dont think they feel the same way. he is sweet, amazing cute, just an awesome guy, But he tends to flirt with everyone and not even notice i am there and that is so fusterating.

I also cant stand when a guy you have been talking to for over a year who you have liked and they have liked you but because of location and what not, it just doesnt work out, but they text you and say that they have another girlfriend how is that surpossed to make me feel cause i feel pretty damn lousy.

I really like this guy but i dont know how to tell him im not that good at it. There is this one girl who i fucking hate she is a stuck up and really just a bitch. I hate girls like that . I don't know what to do. Its so hard. I like to see people happy. but then i think about how im so unhappy because i have no one. I mean family and friends are great but its not the feeling of being in love with someone who also feels the same. i have been lied to about people being in love with me. it hurts to have someone tell you that dont love you. you do everything in your passion to make things work but they fall apart. you wear your heart on your sleeve and get no where.

some people think that you cant be in love so fast but you cant control who or how you fall in love it just happens. i wish i was different. i think if i looked different i would be better at this love thing.

i dont think people take me seriously when it comes to romance or anything like that. it just hurts to not be loved. i wish things were so much different. I dont know what to do about this guy you i like and he doesnt know it. its hard to tell someone that. how do you ask someone out or even tell them you like them. with out getting hurt. i have been hurt way to much. i just dont want to go through that again. i want to walk on the beach holding someones hand or cuddle and watch a movie just being in someones arms.

Thats all i have for today. i needed to write this down so i can think about it and maybe it will help me fiquare out what i can do .

Saturday, January 23, 2010

MY Life in a nut shell

Today , i decided to start a blog. i have so much running through my head. school, family, homework, my friends, leaving neci. I just dont know what to do everything i think i do right is always wrong. i dont know where to begin .

maybe i will begin with my school . i love being here i have a great group of friends close ones here. i love them and i am going to be wicked sad when we have to leave. i have decided to go back home for my internship because i have a support group there and i can save tons of money. i can see my niece and nephews grow up cause they are so cute and mean the world the to me.

one thing that has been on my mind is love. I have had my ups and downs with it more downs then ups and i feel trapped. one thing goes right one thing goes bad. it sucks so bad. when you think that u and someone else is on the right path and then tell u that they never liked u or anything that hurts so bad you poured ur heart out to them and they push u down. it sucks. i hate being like this. what sucks the most is that u cant let go but you know u have to . you cant say goodbye but you have to. i just recently found out that someone in the past liked me but now because of the situations we are in we can never be together its hard when u find stuff like that out.

I began to read the book the DEAR JOHN by nicholas sparks. wonderful first chapter. I cant wait to see the movie. i hate when i am not taken seriously.

ever feel like you wish you were someone in a book i feel that way right now. if i could only be Savannah in the book. i wish that people would like at me for me and not anything else. if they looked beyond the outside they would relize that i am a very caring awesome person. but people on see what they want to see and i hate that so much.

seeing happy couples makes me sad because it reflects what i once had and what i don't have anymore and it sucks. i just wish my life could have been different but i have to play the cards i was dealt.

"what would you do with a letter that changed everything" - to answer that quote its quite complicated i would do what was best for me and the person who wrote that letter. one thing i can say i wish technology wasn't what it is right now because the world would be totally different. we would have less deaths because more people die every day because of most deaths are now caused by texting and driving. how typical of americans.

well for now im gonna go finish so homework. I will write tommorrow. I needed to get some things off my chest and thats not all. Please comment ask questions anything please. Thanks <3>